When They Assassinate You (Part 3)

Hello Muses,

Trust your week is going well.  Wow! I got so many emails yesterday that this concluding part was due yesterday. Sorry for not posting.  I was on the move throughout. 

I've gotten quite a lot of feedback on this issue - loads of questions and comments, looking at various angles and positing other viewpoints and some I will discuss in another post. We will continue from where we stopped last week.

Part 3.

Our world is full of contrasts: good and bad, up and down, pretty or ugly, black or white, and many other polarities. For someone to feel good they may need to make someone else feel bad. This is extremely flawed but remains one of the ways someone can delude himself or herself into feeling better.

Note: In some cases, character assassination may have to be addressed either by confronting the person or taking legal action. In most situations, really, slander is tort (civil wrong – you see how useful my law degree is, lol), and can be the basis for a law suit under defamation.  You need to decipher when this becomes necessary.  Often, we confuse every negative comment about us with defamation. Unfortunately, not all negative statements are defamation. Make sure you have detailed and sufficient evidences. 

You need to be aware that in some situations, your silence can be construed as agreement, when you don’t address negative statements about yourself and your business or where your integrity is being called to question. Don’t worry about the mind games people will try to play with you - “you’re being sensitive” or “you can’t take criticism" or "why did you wait this long". Those comments are a way to put you back on the defense, as if you have no voice in what goes on around you and what perceptions are created about you.

So, what should you do when this happens? These do not follow any particular order but will guide you:

1. Don't fight back. At least, don't lower yourself to use the tools the character assassin has inarguably lowered themselves by using. The best defense against any character assassination is to maintain your integrity and take pride in what you do, whatever that may be. Fighting back just feeds the fire, and clouds the issue. It may sound like a cliché but truth is- it is not about you.  It is the person engaging in it that has a problem. Be unshakeable. Be like a rock.  Get better. Go higher.

2. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.  I know!!!! This is the most difficult part to do but trust me it works. Refuse to notice or even acknowledge what they say and do and pay no attention to them. Choose not to comment. Always take the higher ground with negativity and simply do not acknowledge it. Look at it as a spiritual challenge and an opportunity to grow emotionally. No one knows the full story except what your assassin has presented, therefore no one has a right to judge you.

3. Remember, this may not just be a physical assassination.  In most cases, there will be spiritual and/or fetish elements to it. Stay tuned to your spiritual wavelength at its highest and stay safe.

4. Some people will act like they are genuinely interested in knowing the truth, be careful. You need to be quite circumspect as they may be allies of your assassin, trying to get more information.  The ones who know you and are genuinely concerned will show by their words and actions.

5. Develop a thick skin. People will talk and not just talk, even hiss, sneer and whisper when you pass by; – truth be told a lot of people are not busy or doing anything meaningful with their lives and most have domestic issues that hassles their wellbeing, so bashing others is a favorite pastime – let them do so but you remain focused on your own growth trajectory.

6. Where and when necessary, speak the truth but don’t be defensive. Remember your assassin got to the narrative before you and the damage may be more widespread than you can imagine. Refuse to be drawn into telling stories.

7. People who believe the worst about you probably have a vested interest in believing that crap. Remember you can’t control that. I remember someone who was owing me money for over two years being at the forefront of spreading defamations about me, telling people not to attend my events, yet sending me nice, warm text messages of how she appreciates my patience and how she has always respected me. She didn’t realize I already knew she was a snake. Unbelievable mental psychosis issues.

8. People who believe the vilest things about you don’t know you. Not really. This might be one of the single most awful discovery about life you will learn. People who you thought knew you, don’t. Sadly, there are others who don’t even know you at all, have never met you or spoken with you but will also vilify you to high heavens especially if the matter is of a nature that scares them.   

9. Where and ONLY when necessary, speak the truth but don’t be defensive. Remember your assassin got to the narrative before you and the damage may be more widespread than you can imagine. Refuse to be drawn into telling stories.

10.Turn off the reports by anyone who want to daily feed you with what your assassin’s plans are but make sure you on your own, have a detailed diagram of their methods of attack, their schemes and antics. Very, very important.

11.  Always be prepared for the worst. Character assassins are psychopaths and narcissists.  They never get enough. As I said, for them it’s your death or nothing. Remember they always present themselves as the victims.

12.  Finally, and most importantly, Character is revealed over time. Who we are is revealed every day in every little action and decision. No one is perfect, but the arc of someone’s character — how giving they are of themselves, how considerate, how reciprocal — is perceptible. The people who matter aren’t swayed by your assassin’s gossip and trash talk. The shallow people who are? You don't need to worry about those.

Charles Spurgeon said, "A lie will go around the world while truth is still putting on its boots."

Understand this: The first person being destroyed in a character assassination attack is the assassin himself. He’s just not aware of it. Bad-mouthing is a suicide mission: it destroys the source of criticism in the process rather than the one being criticized.

Truth be told, it is not just the talks that upsets us but our interpretation of the situation based on our inner state of mind. So, next time you hear someone badmouthed you, look within your own self and see how you see yourself. If you are feeling confident and happy, bad personal situations will not disturb you as much as it would if you were feeling unfulfilled.

  

Next time you hear someone is trying to assassinate you, just remember that they have no other way of feeling good about themselves so they must indulge in slander and gossip just to feel good. So, allow them to have their moment of joy and you rejoice in the fact that you are important enough for them to spend time talking about you. As Mark Twain said: “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about!”

Till next week, be good, be kind, be careful with your thoughts, words, associations and most of all, fear God.

Mother Muse.....