LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX!!!! (Parental Guidance 18) :)

Hello all and trust you are doing well.  I’ve been working oooo!!!  Anyways, something brought me here. Three days ago when I posted on my facebook page that I will be leading twitter conversations on Sex & Society: Religion, Expectations and Cultural issues, I have received so many text messages and emails on why a “pastor” should be leading such convos on twitter or any social space sef.

Let me correct an impression.  I am a child of God, a woman of faith, a lover, wife, mother etc. all rolled in one.  Pastor no be my name and I am just a fellow servant of the Most High God, just like all you who sent me messages. Please lets stop the hypocrisy. Sex is good and God is good.

I am upset and that is why I write this.  Why should Christians not talk about sex.  Why?  Who said so? Because we are not talking about sex, others are talking about it.  Our marriages are suffering – married couples are NOT having sex ( some as long as months); our young people are getting it all mixed up – our daughters do not have a healthy view and understanding of sex and worse so, our young men;  during marriage counselling, we gloss over it so that “we do not tempt them”; the church does not talk about sex. The world is full of sex.  We were made through sex (yes naw!).  Our bodies were created with a capacity for and a tendency toward sex.  Sex was God’s idea. Yet, the church is either ignoring it or treating it like it’s the work of the devil- some unholy, necessary evil, required for the procreation of offspring and the maintenance of marriage. We need to get serious, like really serious. Haba!!!

I agree and I teach, sex has to be withon the bands of marriage but we are having so many young people go into marriage with a warped view of sex and ending up with serious problems. The ladies have been thought sex is for procreation and not to be enjoyed.

The lights should be put off and sex done in the dark. Don’t touch your husband’s penis lest you go to hell. Don’t moan in ecstasy, lest the devil takes your tongue and you can no longer speak in tongues. Oral sex? Hia, na hell fire straight be that, no redemption.

The young men? Make sure you satisfy yourself and ensure you are not shooting blanks so you can get her pregnant. She is not supposed to enjoy it so if she moans or writhes in ‘sweetness’, that means she is a spoilt girl. You cannot touch her vagina, its for having babies and for peeing. Sex toys? Chineke!!!! Never ever ever let those things come into your bedroom. They are agents of Satan.

I’m tired of all of these.  I teach my children about sex; each teaching appropriate for their age and upbringing.  We should talk about sex.  Talking about sex is part of marriage.  Communication is key in marriage and should not only be about the children and money issues.  TALK ABOUT SEX!! We hear it all the time: communication is such an important key to marriage.  Secular sources and Christian ones alike also agree that sex is an important part of marriage.  That being said, communicating about sex would be an important part of marriage.

How on earth can we expect a young man and young woman to get to their wedding and all of the sudden be comfortable talking about sex.  We’ve made it this bad, taboo topic since they hit puberty, and now, they have to figure it out (on their own), and be able to discuss it  (on their own) when their entire lives they’ve been told they can’t talk about it!   The wedding ring does not have magical conversation-starting power.  If they are not comfortable with the reality of sex before marriage, they are not going to be comfortable with it after.

I’m not saying you need to discuss it in detail before marriage.  That’s a recipe for disaster, but it is something that needs to be discussed because, it will be part of your marriage.

Why must we talk about sex as Christians (or Muslims)?

          Because our understanding and expectations of sex have become skewed by the silence. I've heard from a lot of men and women who are going into marriage a little confused about what to expect when it comes to sex. They are having a hard time shifting their thinking from seeing sex through a negative lens their entire lives, to all of a sudden seeing it as good, holy and special. If Christians do not speak

up about God’s great design of sex and intimacy in marriage, those who hear the very loud

conversation going on around us in the vidoes and songs, will only hear the world’s point of view.  We 

need to step into the arena and share the good news about sex, the truth about sex.

Talking about sex is part of life. I don’t mean the loud-mouted style conversation.  I mean just holy, God-honoring acknowledgment of the goodness of sex and/or the realities of sexual sin.  We’re so embarrassed by something God made.  We’re so afraid to address it that we alienate those who are looking for help.  In the body of Christ, we have sex problems, and we need to be able to talk about those.

·      What about the couple where the husband has never had sex with his wife in their ten years of marriage because he hates her body? Or she is embarrassed by her body?

·      What about the young couple, just married for 5 months, where the young wife is frigid and the young husband is frustrated already and seeking for help so he doesn’t go outside for sex?

·      What about the couple where the husband takes advantage of his wife every night because it is her “wifely duty?” Her enjoyment or satisfaction is unnecessary?

·      What about the single woman struggling with pornography?

·      What about the single man who went out to a prostitute?

Those problems exist in our church, but we can’t talk about them without talking about sex.

So many women have never seen their own vaginas, not to talk of their husband’s penises. And because we are so scared of talking about it, we are having more and more paedophiles and rapes of children(boys and girls) every single day. Our young people are lost on what to hold on to and what not to be carried away with. 

I have counseled couples who seemingly have a “wonderful marriage” and haven’t had sex in 8 months; some as long as a year!!!.  She says – ‘my husband is very understanding.  He knows I don’t like the thing’; He says: ‘she works so hard taking care of the children and her work and always tired, so I let her be’!!!..  Hmmmm, I will not tell you the end of the matter.  Guess it yaself.

Christians should be talking about sex.  We should be lifting it up for the beautiful picture of God’s love that it is.  We should be celebrating it and rescuing it from the grips of sin, not dunking it under the bed because we don’t feel like dealing with it.

It isn’t bad.  It isn’t ‘terrible.’  Sexual desire should not be ‘shocking.’  It’s part of life, and part of life that we should be addressing and enjoying. Sex is good. I’m always amazed at God’s wisdom at creating sex. God is good!!!!

I’ve ran out of steam now. My vex don cool small.  Please don’t get me started again; at least for now.  Join me tonight on twitter.  Time is 7pm.