Make I do marry jare. Really?

Our souls are not hungry for fame, comfort, wealth or power. Those rewards create almost as many problems as they solve. Our souls are hungry for meaning, for the sense that we have figured out how to live so that our lives matter, so that the world will be at least a little bit different for our having passed through it. - Rabbi Harold Kushner

I'm sitting here this morning at the airport lounge waiting for the boarding call. I'm trying to read the day's newspaper and I notice two young ladies walk in and sit down.  They looked like ladies in their mid twenties. As they sat down close by, I couldn't help but over hear their conversations.  One of the ladies was saying, "I can't wait o. I really can't.  I've finished youth service, what am I waiting for?" When I heard that, I could almost say out loud what her next sentence was going to be. True to my thinking she blurted out - " if he is not ready, I just have to move on with my life.  I have to marry next year, 2014 must not pass me by".

The second lady concurred and said, "Yes o, after school, wetin remain?" At that point, a deep sense of sadness enveloped me.  My mind drifted to many places all at once.  Is this what we teach our daughters? Is marriage the heights of all achievements? To aim less and less for themselves? Where is the place of dreaming? Where is fulfilling purpose? 

Should marriage the ultimate for our daughters? Do we pay school fees up to tertiary institutions so that their only ambition in life is to marry and 'settle down'? 

As I ruminated on this, the quote above flashed in my mind. Life in general, without recourse to being male or female, is meaningless without purpose.  One of the things that have always driven me has been the realization and delivery of my God ordained purpose.  However, I realise that many people do not even understand purpose. And because we do not understand purpose, we cannot teach our children how to understand, realise and deliver their purpose in life.

I have six daughters - biological and adopted - and everyday, I have promised myself to push them to understand purpose. To understand that the world has to be a better place because we passed through it. I will embrace their choices to marry when they please but I will not make marriage the ultimate of their lives. I love being married, absolutely.  So please do not get me wrong - I am a HUGE fan and ardent supporter of the institution. However, I do not see it as the height of achievement.  Nah.

I think we bring up our girls knowing so much yet so little about marriage.  We teach them to cook, clean and be proper women in preparation for marriage but we forget to teach them the basics of life and living and wholeness and self love and self worth and awareness.  We forget to teach them about growth and meaningful contributions to life. We forget to teach that a status such as "married" is not a measurement of your being but that passion is important.

We forget to teach them about finances in marriage or that they should work and have their won money to support the marriage and not be a loose limb. We forget to teach them that marriage is the most intense relationship you will ever have in your life because it brings out the real you. It exposes your selfishness or selflessness and shows how unloving or loving you really are eyond the 'I love yous'.  I could go on and on.

Maybe I'm just being radical.  Maybe I'm not being realistic. Just maybe.  Dem don call boarding.  Make I go.